Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Sharing:  i was recently in the local gas station at the lake, buying some ingredients for a smores campfire, when 2 men my age behind me, took it upon themselves to say loudly, how the fat ass bitch in front of them in line should reconsider her purchases. Their laughter and jeers at my expense continued the whole entire time that i was in line in front of them, and they were purposely being loud enough so i could hear them. I froze in mortification, my face felt like it was melting off... not because i am in denial or because i was suddenly struck with the realization that i was fat or unattractive, i own a mirror ... but by the pure unkindness & mean spirits of some human beings. When i left the store & got in my car i drove as fast as i could away from there because i knew they would be emerging shortly after me, and because i knew i was going to cry... hard. 

I was right, WOW did i cry. I hate that i cried.  Not because i hate my fat self... because i really DON'T! I don't cry about my weight or hate skinny people. I am me! More than a couple people love me for me. These morons don't know me! I was mad at myself for not having a snappy come back or a humorous sarcasm to toss back at them like i would usually have in my day to day life. I usually toss out the self deprecating jokes to inform others that i am aware of my own obvious struggles. Much like a bald guy makes fun of his own head, or the shortest person (also me) makes short jokes. I am usually not one to be speechless. I was mad at myself for not saying SOMETHING or standing up to them. But i was, at least, glad i didn't cry in front of them. Somehow i think that's what the assholes were hoping for... to make me cry? I dont know!!

Also, i am not saying this to be any degree of high & mighty, but i prayed for them. I really did. And for some reason i felt the need to pray for their Mothers... because i felt sad for them! what miserable adults their sons became. I also thought, wow... these dummies probably have kids, those poor doomed children. I hope & pray their kids have a fat or non-fat Momma or grandma that will instill in them some kindness.